Given that it’s the time of year when we’re getting ready to choose a new president, and the new administration will be taking up residence in the White House in just a few short weeks, I’ve decided to once again implement the “no blogging at work” rule. Between all the assessments, reports and briefings I have to write for the new administration, I have way too much work to do, and the blogging quality would suffer if I attempt to squeeze in sarcasm between my work assignments (or my briefings would be filled with enough snark to choke a woolly mammoth). As I want to give you, my loyal readers (all five of you), the best in snarky writing (as you can tell, I don’t suffer from low self esteem), I will blog from home as time permits.
So…
Is it any wonder that the legisleeches whom we send to Washington are so drunk on their own power, that even the frat boys at state universities around the nation are shaking their heads in disbelief?
Example #1:
Senators have asked the NFL commissioner to tackle the issue of
making more game day TV broadcasts available to local fans for free.
The
league has said it provides free broadcasts in the home cities of
competing teams. But 13 lawmakers said in a letter this week to Roger
Goodell that the NFL is too narrowly interpreting what is a home city.
[...]
Signing
the letter were: Sens. Arlen Specter, R-Pa.; Jack Reed and Sheldon
Whitehouse, both D-R.I.; Pete Domenici, R-N.M.; Mike Enzi and John
Barrasso, both R-Wyo.; Joe Lieberman, a Connecticut independent; Dick
Durbin, D-Ill.; Patrick Leahy, D-Vt.; Ken Salazar, D-Colo.; Bernie
Sanders, a Vermont independent; Wayne Allard, R-Colo.; and John Thune,
R-S.D.
Has the Senate figured out a solution to our economic downturn already? Have they tackled the fiscal deficit? Have they figured out how to give our intelligence community and our military enough resources to fight the Global War on Terror? It seems to me – and I’m just a peon with a degree in International Relations from the Johns Hopkins University, who doesn’t know shit about good governance – that there’s nothing in the Constitution about spending time and resources on ensuring that some asshole in Buttscratch, Arkansas can watch a friggin’ football game while sitting around scratching his jock itch and drinking a damn beer!!
But, OK – let me make sure. I don’t want to be talking out of my ass here. Let’s check the Constitution, shall we? Just in case I’m wrong, and the Law of the Land does authorize the Senate to monkey with football broadcasts.
The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the
common Defence and general Welfare of the
United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United
States;
To borrow money on the credit of the United States;
To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among
the several States, and with the Indian Tribes;
To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization, and
uniform Laws on the subject of Bankruptcies throughout the United States;
To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the
Standard of Weights and Measures;
To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the
Securities and current Coin of the United States;
To establish Post Offices and Post
Roads;
To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited
Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective
Writings and Discoveries;
To constitute Tribunals inferior to the supreme Court;
To define and punish Piracies and Felonies committed on the high Seas, and
Offenses against the Law of Nations;
To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures
on Land and Water;
To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use
shall be for a longer Term than two Years;
To provide and maintain a Navy;
To make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval
Forces;
To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union,
suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions;
To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining the Militia, and for
governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United
States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers,
and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline
prescribed by Congress;
To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases
whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by
Cession of particular States, and the acceptance of Congress, become the Seat
of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all
Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the
Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and
other needful Buildings; And
To make all Laws which shall be necessary and
proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other
Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States,
or in any Department or Officer thereof.
Hmmmm…. nope. No football!
Apparently the Congresshits are so accustomed to the power our uninformed, ignorant, nanny state-loving electorate hands it every year, that they feel they’re authorized to demand football broadcasts! Obviously, all the damn problems in this country (most of which were actually created by the legislature acting like a bunch of whores enamored of their power over drunken johns) have been solved. And now that they have, the Senate can devote its time to demanding free football broadcasts for its constituents!
Festering. Mohammed. On. A. Kabob.
